Life's been crazy, I've missed a few days I've been disappointed, Excuses have been made It's funny how responsibility shifts I thought I was the daughter? Nevermind, I'll raise my brother. Maybe a midlife crisis will bring clarity I hope you love your grandson more on the other side. I'm tired of being the only one trying and blamed.  I'll call it even if you just stay. 

It's no secret that life has moments of chaos, hardship, and loss. Recently, my paid-off car completely broke down on me. Transmission =  DEAD. Super unfortunate! HOWEVER, this could not have happened at a better time. As unfortunate as this epidemic is and how stir-crazy quarantine is making me feel, I could be under obligations that would make the need for me to get a car, immediate. I will be starting a new nanny job, that I can take my son with me too, which is a blessing in itself. However, it won't start until life returns to some sense of normalcy. Which will give my family the perfect amount of time to be ready to purchase a car. We also have moved in with family, which has become a tremendous blessing and sacrifice. We give up our privacy, combine three households, so we can combat debt and save for a house, and have the resources for a new vehicle. Not to mention the free childcare! My fiance's job has been awful since this epidemic began, the number of electi...

I can't believe I almost forgot to write something. With all this unpacking, party planning, and starting on homework. We've been debating on having my sons party because of the virus. However, I would hate to postpone it. We asked our friends and family what they thought about postponing. Only a couple people decided they wouldn't be able to make it and that is totally ok! We decided to do it and enjoy the time we have with close friends and family. I'm so excited for this event!

Sometimes people make mistakes. They say or do things that may hurt each other's feelings or cause them to be upset. It happens and it is a huge part of life. At some point in your life, someone is bound to hurt you, intentionally or unintentionally. Nothing agitates me more than an unforgiving person or a person who is petty with their forgiveness. I'm a firm believer of treat people the way you want to be treated. I'm also a firm believer of if you want to be forgiven then you should forgive. It's not right to demand it and never give it. From this most recent experience, I've learned not to apologize to people who are petty. As long as someone isn't taking actions against your safety, mental or physical health, you should try to forgive. It's really disheartening when you try to be a good person and are treated like garbage for it. I'm not going to beg for your forgiveness and I shouldn't have too.  I've forgiven your mistakes and shortcomin...

Yay we moved! I'm exhausted and sweaty. Time to slowly unpack with a relaxing glass of wine (:

There were two accidents right down the street from my apartment. I assume it is because everyone is in such a huge hurry.  The panic taking place where I live is insane. No water. No bread. No eggs. No meat. No toilet paper. No paper towels. Diapers, wipes, and formula are all running low. I know it will eventually stabilize. Nonetheless, this reaction amazes me. Maybe there's something I'm missing? I'm hoping it stabilizes by the time my little one has their first birthday. Terrible timing, I hope all goes well.  I hope that everyone takes care of themselves, and helps out their neighbors, strangers, and friends if they can. I really hope this epidemic ends soon. I hope that it doesn't become as big as it feels. I hope all loved ones are well and accounted for at the end of this. I hope if there's any opportunity I see to help, I jump in without hesitation and do the best I can. 

I'm excited about this extended spring break. There are so many things I want to accomplish; moving, finish planning my son's birthday, finish my son's scrapbook, and relaxing. However, I'm also kind of worried. Were suppose to finish the semester out online, but I'm worried about how it's going to impact the quality of my education. I'm also worried about field hours. I want to graduate and be a good teacher for my students, so i'm worried about not being prepared. I don't think i'm going to completely suck at it. I'll be as good as any first year teacher, i hope haha. I'm definitely thankful for an extension on this vacation because my life is so busy lately. So please don't get me wrong. I'm just wondering how all this is going to play out and what are the costs?  I also am worried about the health industry. My fiance works in medical sales, and he frequently assists doctors in surgery while they are using the products he ...

My sister called me today.  She really needed me.  I'm the oldest of four.  It's important that I'm reachable, supportive, and empathetic.  She told me her secret.  My parents would freak.  I love her, I do. I'm supportive, I am. I'm there, I'm always there.  I prayed for her. I support her. I hate that I can't take the pain away, that I can't solve her problems Consequences have actions.  They're not always good. I told her, just do what is right, I'm proud of you for doing right She talks about dad. I don't know what dad would say He would say pat yourself on the back, he's right you should I promise her things will work out I honestly don't know if they will work out I remind her she has a village, she has a community, she has love I hope love is enough I hope what I can give is enough I love you, I am sorry, life throws curveballs Here we are <3 

I have been stressing about homework, getting my baby's first birthday party together, and starting to pack so we can move. Today I accomplished SO MUCH! I deep cleaned the house and lit a candle, and drank a warm beverage. I completed one and half of three papers I have been wanting to finish this week. I also sent out birthday invitations for my son's party. I still haven't started packing, but I think I am going to start that on Thursday. I am so proud of myself! I can feel the stress rolling off my shoulders! Tonight I am celebrating with a glass of wine, a warm blanket, and some Netflix (: Don't forget to celebrate ALL accomplishments, no matter how big or small!

Little nosey baby always trying to sit on moms lap, watch out, he'll steal all your snacks! First go your yogurt, pancakes, and raspberry tart,  then he takes your love, snuggles, and heart.  Little nosey baby always exploring the sphere Stop, slow down, I whisper in your ear I can't hold in how proud of you I am,  I'm in awe of your learning, my sweet little ham Little nosey baby, you'll always be my bright light My sun in the sky, you shine so bright I'll cherish these frustrations, these long days and nights too, I'll store them in my memory because I know they'll be missed, much too soon.

Still not feeling the best. But, I'm definitely feeling better. All I can think about is my to-do list for next week. Maybe I'm crazy. But, I'm excited to start packing, moving, finish up homework and relax. I'm hoping I can squeeze in a shopping trip to Target! Once I'm rested and well, I'll be ready to take on the world.

Fever. Chills. Nausea. Prior obligations calling my name. Makeup. Hair. Clothes. I'm out the door, just praying I don't throw up. 

The sun is shining, not a cloud in the sky. The wind is gently blowing to ward off the heat of a Texas sun. My boy is smiling, playing, and exploring a new-found world. Life is simple. Life is full. Life is complete. I love watching his wondrous eyes. He picks up a pine cone and tries to eat it. I stop him, although I'm sure we've all done this at some point in our lives Life is beautiful Life is warm Life is delightful My sweet Peter Pan,  Please never grow up 

Don't get me wrong, I have a good life. I have a loving fiance and a healthy bright-eyed baby. None the less, I still have my struggles. I struggle with motivation for completing my degree. Sometimes I wish I could stay home and be one of those fun stay at home moms that takes their young kids out to do activities and explore. Then it hits me, but with what money or friends? My only close mom friend lives miles away. I live in Texas and she lives in North Dakota. It is SO HARD finding a mom friend that you can still have differences with but neither of you really cares what they are. We formed our friendship before we were pregnant before she was married and before I was engaged. I was in her wedding and she will be in mine. I was the first person she told when she found out she was pregnant and when I found out I was pregnant, she was the first person I told. We're so crazy, we talked about finding a nice mountain in Colorado and building our houses next to each other. Our s...

To say the least, I am so ready for spring break.  I'm already envisioning the deep cleaning, packing, and relaxation I'll hopefully get done. I also am in desperate need of a break from being a Mom. My 11 month old is teething, so he is needing me more than usual. Poor baby is in pain. However, I am mentally exhausted. I am so tired of school, pumping, cleaning, and feeling sick. A couple of weeks ago my baby was sick with a cold, double ear infection and he was teething. At first, I knew he was sick with a cold, after all, I wasn't getting much sleep because of it. That Thursday, we couldn't keep his temperature down, I was so worried. I took off the school day, called his PED and brought him in. Thank goodness for modern medicine and Peds that are family friends. I don't think I could afford a trip to the ER. Last week, my fiance's mom, who watches the baby frequently, was sick. I ended up missing my night class both weeks for my baby being sick, and then b...

Today, I had an experience.  Today, I was challenged and moved to be courageous . Today, I was influenced to do something I felt in my core, was wrong Today, I questioned the intentions of someone above me, someone I look up too Today, I took the opportunity to stand my ground for the good of someone else Today, I realized how influential others can be on a life that's not their own Today, I thought about my influence and realized how important it was on this young soul Today, I put their needs above my own  Today, I realized the right , the wrong , and the grey , no matter how big or small , are impactful and scarring Today, I'm proud of myself because I lived my truth

I'm hiding. Yogurt in on hand, spoon in the other.  STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! I hear the door to my room creak open. Maybe if I hide under the covers I won't be noticed. My breathing   s l o w s  and my eyes close. I feel the covers being tugged away.  I hold on as tight as I can. Then the fear overwhelms me. I let go.  I lay there, uncovered, but clothed in irresolution. All I wanted was to eat my yogurt. The shrill cries and outreaching arms have me trembling. I throw a teether. Unsuccessful. Its thrown back. I offer a breastmilk pop. He takes it. It seems to calm the beast. Or so I thought. The beast lifts the breastmilk pop high. He quickly and repeatedly swings it towards the ground. Every blow connecting to the floor and pieces fly, it is hailing frozen milk. I am overcome with defeat. The monster's face is streaming with tears and my heart softens. Fear retreats. Frustration subdued. I am overrun with compassion and...

This is my first time doing the SOL challenge, hence the cherry icon (; I hope you have a sense of humor. If not, I probably wouldn't keep reading. My life is raw , sometimes uneventful, and on the more eventful moments, I drink enough wine to wonder if I'm a borderline alcoholic. Just kidding! I'm definitely not, I'm okay, I promise! In a world where I constantly feel the pressure of upholding a sense of professionalism and always trying to be the "bigger person" (It's pretty difficult when I'm barely 5'1) it's nice having a place to unwind and be free of judgment , expectations, or criticism . I grew up in a household that held extreme expectations for me, not sure how my other siblings got out of it. But being the oldest and being a, dare I say it, preachers daughter, it was exhausting .  In this fast-paced world that doesn't seem equipped with an emergency brake, I'm hoping to find peace in the madness .  I guess this is my wa...